By Dharna Chauhan
I hear my girl-friends complaining constantly about being a girl. From PMS to menopause, from dowry to childbirth, from intricate hair removal to extensive beauty upkeep, from this to that… all they have to say are the negatives of being female! Yet, when a bored friend at a lame game asks us if we’d rather be males, that little voice inside us says, “Nay! We’re way better off like this!”
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Apart from the obvious reasons of being able to live longer than men, multiple orgasms, getting dibs on the lifeboats, having slumber parties, and the fact that we’re just totally awesome in every way, this is why we love being who we are:
We have cleavage.
Okay, maybe not the best one to start with; I’m just going from head to toe. (Don’t worry, it ends at the waist.) Now we may have big breasts, small breasts, medium breaks, or even negligible breasts… whatever! But there’s always a WonderBra that’ll push those babies up and give you the sight that numbs the guys. Flash them, and get anything done. Anything. Plus, as Joey says, it blows his mind that women can look at their breasts anytime they want. Well…
We have a secret tear-button.
Yes, we would never admit, but we girls are well aware of the biological phenomenon of producing tears; and we use it when we like, where we like, on whoever we like! Boyfriend ignoring you?—cry! I’ll cut a heavy lock of my hair if he doesn’t text you 17 times the next day. Failing a subject by 2 marks?—cry! Brace yourself for the grace. Don’t have money for the ticket?—cry! The bus conductor will make sure you have the ride of your life. Just getting bored?—cry! People will listen to all the shit you wanna say. Works like a charm—everytime.
We’re cool if we are open to sex.
Now, unless you’re “cool” to the point of being called a slut; you’re just really cool if you’re open to sex and not act like a prudish jerk. Your guy friends will love you for the comfort, and your boyfriend will love you for… you know. All in all, you’re golden!
We’re teary-traditional if we’re reluctant to have sex.
There are not very less guys who love the sati-savitri kinda girl. They admire you. They respect you. They long for you. They wait for you. They’ll give you all the attention and will really hang around long enough before you decide to put out, if you ever do, that is. They might even just marry you to sleep with you. But hey, again, you’re golden!
We have daddies, not fathers.
This one’s my favourite. I have seen my brother getting thrashed for his tiniest mistakes. And me? I get a very loving warning about how my daddy’s little angel is not expected to behave the way I did. And this is followed by a kiss on the forehead. Daddies are the best—and for them, we daughters are their life.
We can do whatever the heck we want while we are pregnant, and it’ll be excused.
Now I haven’t gotten pregnant ever—thank God for that—but I have seen nagging wives become naggy-ier when their hormones go haywire! And well, it’s “ALLOWED”!!!
· “I want freshly beaten coffee with aloo paratha and salsa sauce... Now!!!”
“On the way, honey!” and kisses on the head.
· “I think we should go to the Netherlands for our vacation.”
“Is it okay if I book the tickets by tomorrow, sweetheart?” and kisses on the head.
· “Aren’t you getting a little too cozy with that Mrs. Chadda of yours?!”
“I just touched my grandmother’s feet, for God’s sake! Oh, I’m sorry, sugar…” and kisses on the head.
If we’re working, we’re highly respected; unlike the guys who do ‘nothing extraordinary’.
If we are paying our own bills, we are looked upon as strong, independent women. People respect us. Kid-girls idolize us. And we know we really don’t do a lot of work around. (No offence to those who really do bust their asses.) We’re so appreciated if we can somehow juggle our family and work smoothly. And the money we earn is mostly earmarked for us and whatever we wanna do with it. Guys, on the other hand, have to earn not just for the themselves, but to support an entire family and college funds and marriage funds and health insurances. And God forbid they spend even 5K on that Golf Club membership they always wanted—“so irresponsible and naïve!!! Disgraceful.”
We get to be brides.
Yes! We, at least once for sure, get to be the most beautiful and important person in the room for a day. People do things for us. We get to be all dolled up. We can pose for those perfect pictures. And be promised to be taken care of by the one person we’re—hopefully—so hopelessly in love with. Everyone wants a picture with us. Everyone tells us how angelic we look. Everyone adores us. Nobody gives a damn about the groom. That’s just our day and we love it!
We can hold our bestie’s hand in public without being labeled ‘gay’!
We’re shopping; we hold hands. We’re strolling; we hold hands. We’re simply waiting for the bus; and yes, we hold hands! And none of you would think of anything but deep friendship and that we’re just inseparables… and everyone thinks it’s sweet. But the moment a guy holds his best friend’s hand—GAY ALERT! It’s nothing personal; just that the society is not used to seeing the union of two man-hands for longer than a handshake. Well, pity you guys!
Our friends don’t kick our asses on our birthday.
You’re a girl and it’s your birthday today? And you live in a hostel? WOW! You’re going to get some yummy cake, a decked up celebration room, people waiting to surprise you with their wishes; and really, the worst that would happen to you would be a little cake-smearing, which is easily preventable with a sincere request. Yes, we’re that considerate. Guys would kill for our worst. Getting kicked in the butt is not anyone’s idea of a perfect birthday… and you’re really lucky if you do get a cake from your friends. Poor guy is scared if they found out it was his girlfriend’s birthday—God bless the butt.
Guys don’t abuse in front of us. That makes us feel SUPERIOR somehow!
Well, not that we are against abusing—come on, for some it’s a very natural reaction, much like a reflex. We could make peace with you “MF”ing your ‘bros’… but the moment you start cursing in Hindi, it is a total turn off! Now I love Hindi and all, but there is just something about BC, MC etc that creeps us out a little. Guys know how the sophisticated ones behave… and they take care. It leaves them feeling restricted in some ways, but then, aren’t we just totally worth it?
We “Awww”.
We can go “Awww…!!!” with the head tilt for any freaking thing on this earth. Some say it’s an annoying habit, we say it’s an innate talent. Deal with it.
Also, the girls on F.R.I.E.N.D.S had the larger apartment with the purple walls and the large window. Plus, all of them got to kiss, and one of the married, the most adorable man on TV—Chandler Bing! Well, there. Being a girl is hands down better than being anything else.
