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The Metro Traveller's Survival Kit




Note : This article is actually being written as I'm travelling in the metro. AND fuck the rules that forbid playing of music in the train. There's a crazy lady playing Amplifier AMPLIFIED on her samsung corby.

So after weaving through Delhi's never ending traffic, you're actually aboard something that looks right out of the space age in stark contrast with the crumbling buildings of Delhi.

*Delhi metro me aapka swagat hai.*

You must be travelling standing up, holding on to the flimsy hand rails(?) and swinging like a monkey on dope.

But fear not, you may arrive at your chosen destination with more than a few ruffled feathers, but you shall reach it, albeit a little late and a little frustrated.

Its still safer than most alternatives like buses and ricks (for obvious reasons). And it makes travelling very easy (if you call it travelling- I call it being cattle-carted) from many a place. Also the AC is a big boon in the long months of summer, when your skin goes through more water than your kidneys combined.

The Metro is good, with a few flaws, but major benefits too. It offers me the independence of travelling wherever I want AND its cheap. It doesn't involve bargaining with auto-vallahs and I think the highest fare is 30 or 35 bucks.

However, its one more passenger shy of turning into NDLS. Soon people will "bichao" newspapers and snooze there if authorities aren't more watchful.

Thus I shall do my duty as an Indian citizen and present you with what I call
"The Metro Travellers Survival kit"

*Rule no 1 : *

Always carry Headphones. Music shall help you blot out--???? Needless conversation, fend off stares, and mad people on cheaper-by-the-minute phone tariffs.
 
Its already becoming an Indian RAILWAYS platform. All you need is chaps screaming 'Chaiiiii lelo!"

*Rule no 2 : *

If you're standing and really wanna sit, you can either get to sit at Rajiv Chowk or Kashmere Gate (Why the hell is it called Kashmere gate anyways?) Otherwise give up hope.

*Rule no 3 : *

Escape from the place where screaming children abound. And people have private conversations publicly. Get a netbook and type it all out. Let the frustration go. Or else you''ll become a mad axe murderer. Like I am about to, as soon as I finish this article.

*Rule no 4 : *
 

Always sit on the assigned seat. You'll look like an ass when an elderly citizen makes you stand up for the special seat.

NOTE : *Please offer the seat to people who need it more than you do.*

*Rule no 5 : *

Keep your smart card topped up with atleast a few hundreds. You never know when you'll run out of balance at a people-unfriendly metro and be stuck in a line for tokens for ages.

*Rule no 6 : *

Always leave early.

The metro's pretty old now, yet its as glitchy as a beta tester version of some cheapskate app.

Sometimes, they'll stop you in a tunnel and when you start wondering if this is gonna turn into a scene from a Holly-scare movie, they greet you with a cryptic "Asuvidha ke liye khed hai" mumbo jumbo.

Still.
I'm thankful for the universally accepted lateness of metros. That excuse has worked endless number of times in the past :D

*Rule no 7 : *


Take micro-naps.

While you're sitting only.
Twin benefits with this one.
You arrive at work fresh! AND the "Panda" look is gone.

*Rule no 8 : *

Carry sustenance with you.

No. I dont mean Kabab rolls and marshmallows and coke and fizz and crap.

I mean dainty stuff like a polo or two. To keep your blood glucose high. Or else the clouds of depression shall soak you my friend.

(Oh yay! Those kids on crack are gone!!!! XD)

*Rule no 9 : *

Travel light.

Again, refer to the Indian Railways comment. ALSO, If you are travelling with heavy luggage, try to stow it under the seats. Its there for a purpose, so that unwary passengers don't trip over it! Or worse, get flattened under it.

*Rule no 10 : *

Odds are, your face is gonna be crushed against someone's sweaty armpit. And someone's gonna use your clothes as a wiping rag.

Don't wear white.
And wear strong perfume. Chances are, somebody won't be. And you shall meet him soon. At close quarters.

So maybe that perfume-cloud will offer a barrier. Maybe.
_____________________________________________________________________________
 

Had enough?
 

My stop is next.
 

I must get ready to battle the crazy ladies, who want to get inside the coach, without letting the passegers inside alight first.

The Metro's a great alternative to Buses or Autos, especially due to the unsafe streets. You never know when, what can happen here.

It does need an upgrade(Designers of India- Are you listening?), along with someone beating sense into Delhi-ites on the Metro do's and don't.

Yes, there are people who use it properly, but there are people who carry out their most intimate bally-hoo in the vast confines of the coach. Or pick fights. Or act like mad cows.

That needs to change, along with the ritual staring at "firangs" and eye-balling well dressed people.

God, I've almost reached the station and I'm doing this!
Stay tuned for more Woolly ramblings and Netbook-induced tap-tappings :)

HINT: Food post - Coming Soon!

Bye guys!

 

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