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Clearing My Conscience


By Kartik Gala


Photo credit - Akhil Pawar
Vanessa, is it possible? 
Your intentions couldn’t be so ignoble,
Leaving me bereft of life itself.
I keep hoping to awaken myself from this state of delirium.


Momentary bursts of unabated clarity surface 
In my otherwise constant stupor.
In these, I see how you seemed unfazed, even ethereal,
While striking at my Achilles’ heel.
Your blinding beauty clouded my sense of reason.
My naïve heart failed to discern,
And I crumbled in the aftermath of this travesty of love.


While falling, albeit unwillingly,
Into the abyss of mediocrity,
I wonder about the times when
I could understand you even
Without a word being said;
Seems like that was another age,
And we cannot recover from this wreckage.


My last impression of you now seems almost fantastic.
I still like to remember you as someone
Who laughed without a care, all by herself.
Reality refuses to sink in, and my mind
Creates myriad visions of endless possibilities,
Of journeys we could have taken together.
You still persist as an angel, a beacon of light
Symbolizing everything I adored in my life.


Vanessa, please don’t misread my actions.
The depths of our love made me ponder,
And to keep its image alive, 
I had to end it, end you.
Burying you buried the heartburn inside of me,
And now your memory, instead of bitter endings,
Returns only the joy of innocent meetings,
Of times when we shared a joke, a cup of coffee,
Of times when gifting a lone rose was enough to bring a smile to your face.
The idea of you and me, of us, and our love,
Keeps me going, and I wait for the day when
I will meet you on the other side, in Elysium.

 

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Let The Good Times Roll Magazine is an online youth magazine
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