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The Vegetable Conspiracy


How many times have you shared a meal with a person who picks out cauliflowers and tomatoes from his meal in front of you? It’s something that almost all of us did (except for the aagyakari ones among us!) Be truthful. Don’t  you still do it?

As children, we've all been lectured enough times on how French beans clean up your liver and extend your life and that if you eat your pulses, you'll be spared the wrath of (the inevitable) teenage acne. But we don’t listen, because well, some vegetables just don’t sit right on the tongue!

I would like to substantiate my claim by talking the commonest vegetables (Ironically, both are NOT vegetables, technically!) - The potato and the tomato.

The potato is the biggest starch-bomb if there ever was. You can boil them, fry them or extrude them into shapes. They just taste the same mostly. They're nothing without the spices! The tomato too, is like the biggest escape artist. Ever seen those murder mysteries where the criminal leaves behind his clothes when he changes guises and later the police find them? That’s how I feel about tomatoes. All I ever find are the skins.

When we were kids, we were forced fed all these vegetables, never mind the disgusting wreck they turned our mouths into. Let’s take a moment of silence to honour all those taste buds that died.

Who forced-fed us veggies?
The adults did.
The biggest lie our parents ever told us (and I'm not even starting on the one on where babies come from!) is that vegetables are our friends.  There even used to be dancing cartoons on them on television, all in harmony with the dancing glass of milk and huge white eggs, all forcing "eat a balanced diet" wisdom down your throat.

But I'd like to ask, if vegetables are our friends, why do we eat them?

The answer: I remember an episode from Powerpuff Girls that I saw when I was a kid. It was on these weird broccoli aliens that wanted to control the world and the only way to beat them was to eat them. Maybe that’s the reason why I eat them. Why do you?

Coming back to people who are picky-eaters, rest assured. You're not doing anything wrong. I mean, even vegetables have feelings! They too were once alive. (Until someone decided to pressure-cook their asses off.)

Food is like music. You either like something or not. One must have the freedom to choose not to eat bitter gourds or any other abomination of nature.

There’s no sin in picking to please one's palate.
 
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Disclaimer: The author is a foodie and eats almost everything. Do not take advice from the above article without the recommendation of a registered medical practitioner or your mom.

 

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