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Being Ugly

By Nitin Govindan

My teacher says beauty is on the inside.
That is something ugly people say.
~ Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey can say that he is beautiful. He’s 6’2, fair, good looking and has fans all over the world and has every right to make a sarcastic comment like that. But is it a crime to be ugly? Why does being ugly affect our confidence and self-esteem? 

Oh, before I begin, I assure you that the author of this article is a part of ugly fraternity and though I cannot speak for others, I can speak for myself. Now coming back to the topic of being ugly, you must’ve noticed that good looking guys and girls always end up together. Who can fathom the mysterious force at work here?


Am I Ugly?

Ok, you are not alone in this regard. In fact there are many pages on Internet which actually test your ugliness .Yes, you heard that right. They measure you on an Ugly Meter and what not. But you need not do all that. We can start the world famous mirror test. You know about it, don’t you? Well in case you don’t, then you may not be ugly or you are dumb in addition to being ugly. Anyway it is very simple, you just have to stand before a mirror to know if you are ugly or not. Just be honest or modest.

The other thing you can do is photograph test. Try to click photos with pretty faces around you, they are not hard to find. When you get the photos, compare yourself and voila…you know it.

The third test is kind of difficult but could work. In case you have good friends, has anyone come and told you, “Man you are smoking hot” or “Phew! Babe you look sexy”? Being called “cute” doesn’t count. Cute must be the English language’s most ambiguous word. Last but not the least, what your mom says does not count, after all “Maa ka toh dil hi aisa hota hai”.

Confess Ugly

Yes Sir/Ma’am. Stand before the mirror and say “I am ugly”. You have to accept it. It’s no big deal. If you were born blind, what would you do? Fight the world and say you can see? No, just believe in being ugly. Of course it’s not as bad as being blind, wait the politically correctness police around us would ask me to refer to the blind as visually challenged, right? Then what would they call us? Visually challenging? Being ugly is not something to be proud of but yes, it isn’t something to be ashamed of. After all, we make the good looking people look good. Remember Einstein’s theory of relativity. The world works on the same principle and we’re also the driving force for the cosmetics industry. So take it easy.

And if you think you are beautiful inside - grow up. Ever seen a gorgeous pancreas or mesmerising kidneys? If no, then you are not beautiful inside and even if you are, then I guess it matters to only you. So take it in your stride. 

You, like me, are ugly. There are some guys who think being funny or something like that would compensate for their bad looks or lessen their ugliness or something <buzzer> Wrong answer. If that had been truth, Raju Shrivastava and Sudesh Lahiri would have topped the nation’s most desirable men’s list every year. 

Finally, if you have passed the test and you know you are ugly - say it. Out loud.

OK, I am Ugly. What now?

Nothing. Yes, nothing. That is the point. Accept it as a part of you and you will do fine. If you are obese and it is affecting your health then try to get into shape. Or if you are skinny, try laying some flesh on those bones. The point is, your motive should be to improve your health & not your looks so that you can impress people. You may have that special someone who rejects you or just does not look at you in “that” way (tum acche dost ho par tumhe uss nazar se kabhi dekha nahi). Say “buzz off” to him/her. You don’t actually need such people who come to you only if you are good looking.

There are very few people who are going to cry when you die and I can assure you no matter who the person is, a corpse does not look beautiful. So what is the point of trying to change for them? My friend once bought a new screen touch phone and would flaunt it at every possible opportunity and he would get the required attention, which he liked. One day while he was doing the same, another guy took out his iPhone and suddenly all the attention went to him. Welcome to reality. Beauty, just like an ornament, is temporary and relative and our self-esteem is too big a price for that.

Be A Good Ugly

To be honest, beautiful people are usually well mannered, good at heart and humble people. Yes, we occasionally get a snob or two but in general the good looking freaks are a better behaving lot too. I hate generalisations but this is experience speaking. The fairy tales tell of a bad guy, an ugly and old and cruel and whatever devil, and the hero who is not just a prince but Prince Charming. No wonder my favourite animated character is Shrek. Mythology also has portrayed the Gods, demigods and even believers as good looking. The devils or the assurs have always been ugly creatures. If that wasn’t enough, we have cinema to add to the pressure. A short, filthy, illiterate and ugly Gabbar Singh competes against the Adonis-like Dharmendra, who ultimately gets the beautiful girl, Hema.

But it has to change. Looks have nothing to do with your inner self. We have to behave better and in a more courteous manner. Have you ever observed that people talk more politely to people who look better? The reason is that they expect them to return the favour and we ugly guys don’t do this. Being rude is not a trait that ugliness brings, we bring it to ourselves. It’s time to change and time to spread the love.

The Ugly Advantage

Ugly people have some advantage. Beauty, as I said before, is relative, and even people who possess it know that there’s someone more beautiful than them. Remember the clich├ęd line of a wife cheated on by her husband, “Is she pretty?” Good looking people sometimes use their looks as a shield of confidence, yet that is their weakness. As soon as someone better comes along - a taller, fairer, stronger guy, they go on the back foot. Here’s our advantage. Nobody cares to compare ugliness. How odd would it be? “Wow, I am uglier than him/her!” Relax, we do not worry about our non-existent looks and hence we should not be insecure about it either. Whatever we want to achieve in our life, we do it by our work and what we can’t is because of our shortcomings. The advantage is we have only ourselves to put the blame on. Hell yeah!  

The Ugly, Fugly and the relationshit relationship

Well well well, the commonest ugly guy issue, the girl. I was watching Discovery Channel and it was showcasing how animals select their mate. The males fight with each other to flaunt their might, try to gain control over wider territory and bully the smaller males. Show offs. The female would be a mute spectator and as soon as she sees the strongest suitor, she goes for him. They mate and they live happily ever after. Wish the humans lived as same as this? We actually do, minus the happily ever after part. 

Women would go for the best match, if you are not one, she would not take you. No matter how successful a person is, his life cycle works in the same way as that of animals. So in case the pretty girl you liked did not like you - avoid her. You will have some ugly girl who is waiting for her Prince Ugly (you). Remember, if you are ugly then the beautiful girl or guy is fugly, in which case, pairing up with them would be shit. The good looking partner would live with some sort of superiority complex and the ugly one with an inferiority one. There are always some exceptions but you know equals make a better pair.

If that does not help listen to this - 

"Remember how in that communion only, beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, he will be enabled to bring forth, not images of beauty, but realities (for he has hold not of an image but of a reality), and bringing forth and nourishing true virtue to become the friend of God and be immortal, if mortal man may."

~ Plato, Symposium 


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