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Love, Aajkal


All statements that seem true, must be questioned.

The statement in mind being : Relationships are one long holiday.


No, its not a review of Pyaar ka Punchnama. But a sanshipt varnan of Love, Aajkal.


I shall now take you through the various stages of being in one, my confused friend.
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Stage One : The Daily Spiel.


This is the time when your phone bills shoot up like crazy.

This phase consists of innumerable "No you hang up"s, endless hours of "Koochie koos" and basically stuff I throw away as junk mail.


What people do: CUE : "You fill up my senses, like a night in the forest" Even if she looks like a cow, you'll think that the light of the world shines through her irises.
If you are a girl, then you'll say that his body odour smells like the Honey dipped roses and chocolate.

(P.S. A man's body odour is Body Odour. Maybe you should only appreciate his aftershave.)


What you should be doing : TERMINATE TERMINATE TERMINATE NOW!

Stage 2 : Lets play KBC! YAY!

This is the bonus round dude.
Its called 'Lets put a name on our relationship' stage!
After all "I need to know humare beech me rishta kya hai"
What will you cry to your friends about?


You gotta take the next step and make 'kasme and vaade'.
Why? Because :


a) You've already invested a lot of time wooing the person.
b) Ditto for money.
c) You get to change your facebook relationship status.


If you succeed in naming it, the girl or the guy becomes an addition to your ever growing list of ex-es later.


However IF you don't, you my dear friend (shame on you) have been taken for a ride aboard the Willy Wonka express.



Stage 3 : The Last Chance.


If you still haven't heard that little voice in your head, I admire your valiant disillusionment.


My dear friend, you are falling into a deep crevice and the only way to save you is to blast dynamite in the hole.
In the process you shall lose an arm or two. Sorry.


You're probably beginning to realise that the foot and mouth disease that your puzzled GP found you to be having, has probably been transmitted to you by your signinficant other.


Good luck with that.


Your supply of gifts dwindles, whithers and dies.
Yet your phone bills are an insurmountable hill that just keeps getting higher and higher.


The Other starts exerting influence on your life(becoming your solicitous mother/father).


Leave this na my gummy vodka bear!
Aww princess, go to sleep!

Pleaseeee Meri KASAM!


These periods of madness start getting punctuated with Moments of Clarity (MOC).
You think : "WHAT the HELL am I doing koochie kooing at 4 am in the night!?!?
Oh hell. Concentrate."
Get away. Fast.


Spin this : "It was so nice spending these moments with you. I shall cherish you like a favourite pair of chappals. But I cannot keep you from meeting someone awesomer than me. Someone you truly deserve. Boohoohoo. Blow nose."



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As with everything, there is a Honeymoon period. When all differences seem non existent. You're ready to do anything and everything. Stars and moons? Forget it. You're ready to delete your porn collection for your love.

It's that kick in the butt during this period that helps emancipates you.

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Stage 4: The post "I have said I love you like a billion gazillion times" Stage.


You know the Other looks like a cow, you'll still call him pretty. (A pretty cow that is)

Mainly because you made the mistake of calling the Other pretty in the first place.

Your facial muscles are sore from repeating the same words again and again like a drill exercise.


Your attention starts wandering. You start noticing that your room-mate looks real nice sleeping with his mouth open. And he has a pretty girlfriend too.


Hell. All the Others of this world are pretty. Where were they till now!?!?


You find reasons to avoid the person. Like the Plague.



Stage 5 : The Refractory Period.


Its over.
Your body is re-adjusting to the normal patterns of sleep.
Your facial muscles are twitching with happiness.


You feel an emptiness in your life, PURELY because you realize that the last time you picked up a book was probably to swat down a fly.


However, to cope with the mental trauma, your Self splits into two.
The Self number One thinks its still in a relationship and drunk dials, begs, cries, pleads to continue the madness.


You need to be dunked into icy water to revive yourself.


The Self number Two goes on a rebound. A self destructive path that lets people put a landmine in your heart and explode it. Boom.


You need to be Whipped mercilessly to get out of this stage.


As time passes, your body starts craving the same high as before.
You start noticing the potential Others in everybody.


You've learnt nothing.
You're back to square one my friend.


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DISCLAIMER: The views expressed are just for fun. Any references to anybody/anything is purely coincidental. Please read the article in the same funny vein as its written. The Author is NOT an angst teenager. She does believe in love and all the shebang. The real form of it.

 

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